A Gypsy Dream

We walked into the doctors office and the first question I hear is who is the parent or gaurdian? We looked at each other and immediately she answered I am the biological parent. I guess it bothered me more than I thought, why, I guess because it happens all the time. I love our kids as if they were my own yet as of yet I’ll never be seen legally as their parent. Im just that other person, why in the United States the land of the free, we aren’t truly free. Other countries seem to be okay, yet we have the bible so shoved up our legislative asses we seem to think our way of doing things is the right way. Aren’t we supposed to be an open country, or did it seem to end somewhere. Whatever happened to seperation between chuch and state. It seems that the church has more power and say then the government. I want to be able to take my kid to school and say I am indeed thier parent. Why must we hate so much, the only thing I can possibly come up is pure ignorance. Why else would you refuse rights, basic human rights to people that just want to be happy, it’s ridicoulous. Does anybody see that hate does nothing but stop our countries ability to grow. We need to except people for who they are, we are all human beings, yet we all are npt treated like human being. Do we not learn from our own mistakes? How long did african americans have to fight for thier rights. For the land of the free, we are anything but, and for my kids future I hope everything changes, because if the world continues it’s hate I fear for them with all my heart.

Post Dramatic stress a disorder commonly know as PTSD can be a very subtle thing to notice or it can after time become very noticeable if untreated. Mine started very subtly when I was sixteen, I had never talk about the multiple molestations that had happened to me when I was a kid, I felt ashamed, and I felt as if it were my fault. So I basically kept my mouth shut, didn’t trust any man that came into my life friend or not. It had gotten so bad along with my anxiety and social phobia that I almost ended my life. There are many symptoms of PTSD Post-traumatic stress disorder usually developes after a horrific or terrifying event. The event may have involved physical harm or the threat of physical harm to you. Usually the person who develops PTSD usually is the one who was harmed, yet sometimes the harm may have happened to a loved one, or friend. Or at times the person or persons may have witnessed a harmful event. Something that may have happened to loved ones or strangers. PTSD originally was brought to play in this great physcological game and to the public attention due to war veterans. Yet anything traumatic can result in PTSD, molestation, rape, car wrecks, muggings, natural disasters, including most importantly war. Basically anything that may have frightened and basically scarred you. People with PTSD usually startle very easily, and more often than not become emotionally numb, they lose interest in things they used to enjoy, have trouble feeling affectionate, be irritable, become more aggressive, or even become violent. They tend to avoid situations that remind them of the original incident. Not to mention anniversaries of the incident are often extremely difficult. PTSD symptoms seem to be worse if the event that triggered them was deliberately initiated by another person, or persons. Such as in a mugging or a kidnapping. People with PTSD usually repeatedly relive the event in their thoughts during the day and in nightmares when they sleep. Usually causing the person to have insomnia. These flashbacks, which may occur usually consist of images, sounds, smells, or feelings. Most of the time triggered by ordinary certain occurrences, such as a door slamming or a car backfiring on the street. A person having a flashback may lose touch with reality and believe that the traumatic incident is happening all over again. So people with PTSD usually don’t know they have it, they just feel that something is wrong with them, that they are different, and nothing can fix them. So if you know anyone who has faced a dramatic experience and they seemed to have these signs or symptoms, it would be an ideal idea to slowly introduce the thought of them possible seeing a qualified professional about it. Try not to be forceful as with most people with PTSD they really don’t want to think that anything is wrong with them or think about that certain event that may cause it. With a lot of people we have to be there for them, whether or not that includes and intervention or not. We cannot give up on our friends, lovers, wives, husbands, and especially those who have served brilliantly in the war. Don’t give up on the hope that things will be better again, because they will. Yet like everything in life it can definatley be a long and windy road to get to your goal.

             Shadow Dagger: Episode 2 

Arrrghh..damn she thought her head pounding, she struggled to open her eyes, and found nothing, at first she thought that she must had somehow gone blind. There was nothing but darkness, the pitchess of black surrounding her. Kat felt her face touch her eyelids, they were indeed open but as to being blind she peered around her new surroundings. Somewhere high above were a couple of beams of light crawling through cracks in what seemed like rock or stone. She assumed she was in some kind of cave or cavern, dungeon perhaps she thought with a shutter. Then as if to answer her she heard a voice, or what she thought of was a voice, a woman’s voice. It was soft almost nonexistent at first. Softer then a whisper, yet it oddly resonated in her head with a clarity as if the person or thing that spoke it were right next to her. She couldn’t see shit, except for the few splinters of light that the cavern seemingly consumed into it’s blackness. She picked herself halfway up crawling along the cave floor, she felt around, one hand sweeping the air in front of her the other grabbing at the dirt and gravel beneath her. Finally she decided to pick herself, there wasn’t much sense in staying on the ground. For the first time since she came to she became aware of just how cold she was, she felt for her jacket to draw closer to her body, and none was there. In fact nothing was there, no jacket, no shirt, nothing, she was completely naked. What the fuck she thought, touching her bare skin. “Whoever’s there, what the fuck’s going on here?” she yelled, no response was given. “Okay, what do you want at least…say something” she looked around listening desperately, but nothing came. Okay she thought she was blind, at least temporarily whether by the darkness or by her very eyes she knew not yet, but she guided herself through the dark maze, she was doing okay, for the first couple of steps until she found herself stumbling downward, tripping on something, she thought must be a rock. The sharp pain of the rocks and the hard surface of the cavern scraped against her flesh tearing into her flesh. “FUCK!!!”she sputtered as she lay on the cavern floor, covered in dust and her legs and arms screaming in pain from the fall. Blood trickled down her legs, where her legs made impact. She didn’t think that anything had been broken but still hurt like a sonnofabitch. Kat began to lift herself up again, when the voice came again, sweet and growing, it was louder almost she thought almost within reach. She grasped around her, feeling for anything, anything that she could possibly use for a weapon. After a few handfuls of dirt, and crumbling pebbles, she found it, it had a blade, she thought, she felt the edge carefully, it was metal and it curved, but before she could grab it lifted away, she reached grabbing air dirt, everything trying to find it again. Swiftly almost instantly she felt the pain as it stabbed into her index finger, slicing into her. “Damn,” Kat sputtered as she began to hear laughter, it was right next to her, the damn bitch cut her she thought, yet the pain that jutted through her moments before had left her as she fealt her hand be gently grasped. “Mmmm.. hello there,” the voice echoed throughout the cavern, and sent shivers down her, it definitely was a ladies voice, she thought. Whatever it was she thought it’s beautiful, what no wait what the fuck am I talking about, she didn’t now all she could think of was how that voice seemed to feel her seemed to be touching her, feeling her. It made no sense she knew it, yet it mad perfect sense. It grabbed her hand her finger dripping drops of crimson, yet it’s brillant color was undescernable in this blackness, gently ever so gently it began to suck, whatever, whoever it was that was cloaked in the darkness had begun to suck the blood from her finger tip. She knew she had to resist, needed to but she couldn’t, it was as if she had lost control of her body, everything was entranced by this creature in the dark. She tried once more with all her might to pull back, but then, then she “Oh God, that feels so fucking good,” she moaned it wrapped it’s tongue around her finger drawing ever so gently on her, sucking and licking, as if drinking sweet nector. All Kat could think about was how good it felt, how wet it was making her. Her hips began to grind against the cave floor beneath her. She wanted it, wanted to fuck whatever monster that was taking her blood, making her feel so good, better then she had ever felt, by someones touch. Then without hesitation, without warning, her climax so close she could taste it, her hand dropped and it was gone. “What..wait, no wait, who, what are you?” Kat moaned still grinding herself against the rock floor. It began to laugh, it was distant now. It began to laugh a sweet but dangerous laugh if Kathren had ever heard one, “but my goddess, I am but a servent, a willing, eager servent,” the voice rang in her head, so sweet, I want her, she thought. Arms grasped around her body wrapping around her, the smell of the thing in the dark made her feel intoxicated. Lips brushed against her cheek, “my dear Katherine, I have been waiting for you for so long,” the wetness the creature’s lips, the soft texture of them full on her skin made her shutter and if the thing, the woman in the darkness hadn’t been holding her up she would’ve surely fell to the ground. It exhaled, the breath warm and sweet brushed against her neck, the hairs on her neck standing at attention. “But alas goddess, you must go, I will see you soon though.” The grasp around her left the sweet smell of her weakened, until nothing but the dampness the dew of the cave was left. She looked around, panicked, she needed her, desperation took her deep, she got to her feet and began searching through the darkness, trying to sift through the black with her fingertips. She had lost her, tears began to well in her eyes, no she needed it she needed her, she didn’t know if the creature was human or if it was some demented nightmare with a beautiful voice, all she knew was she had to find it, she craved it. In her mid though she imagined, know she thought she knew what the creature looked liked, right down to the black cloak it wore to try to keep her camouflaged amongst the darkness. She was exquisite, she looked around lost, hungry for her stumbling, when she was stopped by a glint towards the middle of the cave. She strained her eyes and started to walk towards it. The light from it radiated, the brilliant glow of it began to pull her draw her, it gleamed, seemingly unreal in the pitch of the cave, it screamed at her to come forth. As she grew closer and closer to the alien object, it began to pulse, the light growing, pulsating like a heart beating harder as she drew near. The cave became like a black and white painting with the light spilling in beats across it’s interior. Almost seemingly moving around her, she felt as if swallowed by some carnivorous worms and now she lie in the bouls of the beast. When she reached it, it was no surprise, it was almost expected she thought, as if she knew all along what had been lying there calling her, it was the dagger the creature had used to begin their little meeting. She reached cautiously, slowly towards the brilliant shimmering artifact, the weapon gleaming in the darkness. Slitted her eyes barely able to open against the brightness projected light. Shaking her hands touched it, the metal was bitterly cold almost like trying to pickup an icicle freshly fallen; She clutched it, feeling every notch of the carving with her fingers, tracing them with her fingertips. The metal began to warm itself, it now felt as if it were radiating heat. Everytime her fingers stoke the metal in it’s metallic brilliance it grew brighter and brighter. The cave was glowing now, basquing in the white of the light. She closed her eyes, it felt so good to her, everything about the dagger reminded her of the cloaked woman the image plaging her mind. She was entranced by the sensuality of it every curve, every notch relating to some part of the cloaked womans body in her mind it was her, it was the creature in the night. Fingers traced pressing ever harder against te metal, the odd shaped dagger silver with it’s s-shaped blade, double edged, and deadly. Yet it didn’t feel deadly it felt…good, so fucking good. Standing in the brilliant light fixated on the object grasped in her hands she stood taken, as it pulse and pulsed, she too pulsed and pulsed, down where she had that undeniable urge, the wanting of a mad woman, the craving of a hungry animal. She needed it so bad, needed release. Her fingers traced the metal everything seemed to soak into her, merge with her flesh, she could feel her heart beating with the beacon of the light strobing throughout the cavern. Her body felt it, felt every strobe of light, felt every trace of her fingertips, everything felt so good, so sensual. Her mind polluted with the image of the woman in the darkness, the one that called her goddess, touching her trailing her flesh with her delicious fingers. She burned for her, every part of her was engulfed on fire with desire and lust for the women in the darkness. She held the dagger close, moving it against her chest, rubbing it ever so carefully between her breasts. One of her hands slid from the dagger downward where the ache was maddening, she needed it, she thought. She began to stroke herself. The metal, the warmth of it moved against her skin to the stroking hand on her clit. Her fingers were wet with her juice, her thighs were soaked, she had never been this turned on she thought, stroking her delectible clit. It throbbed intensly it needed this, needed the dagger, needed the woman in the darkness. She felt drunk, polluted, yet didn’t give a shit, she thought, fuck it, fuck me, “FUCK ME!”, she screamed, echoing throughout the cavern resonating as if a thousand women were screaming, coming at once. She fell to the ground, her body jutting in the dimming light the pulsating of the dagger coinciding with her pulsating orgasm. She felt electrocuted, as brilliant sparks flashed and swarmed behind her shut eyes. Katherine’s body arched and moved with each shock, each explosion that went coursing through her body, she had never felt so good, she fell to the ground her body drained, every once of her felt melted, limp and an overwhelming urged to sleep began to choke her senses, she curled into a ball, still moaning and writhing on the cave floor, the dagger safely and creedily clutched in her desperate hands. It swarmed again the light now gone from the dagger, all but the slightest flicker shown own it’s metallic surface, darkness drew closer and closer until it consumed her and swallowed her once more as she closed her eyes succoming to it, joining it, everything was okay after all, as long as she had it, as long as she had the dagger.

Bitter cold swept through her body, she shuttered as she opened her eyes her head bursting with pain, her body aching as if she had gotten the living shit kicked out of her, she thought. She parted her eyes, at first not wanting to open to follow the bodily commands, and with a slight delay they opened. She was back in the dank, dark horror scene of the apartment again. Somewhere inside of her knew this before she even open her eyes, or full came too for that matter. It was that smell, that musty stale putrid smell of death, whiskey, and cigarettes. For the first time she noticed the hand clutching her shoulder, the man in the uniform peering at her in a concerned demeaner. Yet there was also something else, he looked at her but more towards the lower half of her body that drew his attention at the moment. Her body lay on the floor her right hand had been clutched to her chest, her other hand on the other hand was well she guessed what had gotten the male cops attention. It gripped her mound still her fingers wet from her come, she must had passed out she thought. It was all some damn vivid sex dream, fuck, and aren’t we lucky she thought, to be saved by the Amsterdam P.D., fuck she thought, withdrawing her hand quickly, the cop now smirking, still looking a little concerned but she saw the solidness of the forming hard on in his tight uniform pants.

Stay Tuned For Episode 3!

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Have you ever experienced a panic attack, a true, full blown panic attack? It can be one of the most freightening things you can possibly experience. Since I was about sixteen or so I knew I was different, and definately not in a good way. I was quiet, very shut in, and didn’t have many friends, not too mention I was almost always in a constant fear about going anywhere outside the house, and that included school. I ended up having to quick school and finish my education by homeschool. My life as a teenager was one of fear and loneliness.  Everyone in my family pretty much put it off as a teenage thing, that I was shy, antisocial, nothing really shocking to them. Eventually, it escalated to the point where the fear was consuming my life, I almost never left the house, crowds, people in general freightened me. It’s a kind of fear that always remains, for example if I was told that I was going shoping in two days. The entire time I would be anxious, scared of that moment, when Iwould be leaving to go on that trip. Everytime I went to school it was the same anxiety, heart pulsing fear that ran throughout my life. It got to the point where I eventually tried to commit suicide. It scary but it took that moment, that act for my parents to relize that I indeed did have a serious problem. I eventually went to counceling, and now I am on the right drugs for my problem. What bothers me so much is how long it took to get help. There are thousands of people out there needing someone just to listen, truly listen, to help them. Social Anxiety Disorder is a very prevelent problem in today’s society, so when someone looks or needs to talk please listen you could save a life.

      Shadow Dagger: Episode 1

By GypsyHeartArtist

 The blood in silken ribbons that fell across her skin, she shuttered and gripped her fresh wound. The bitter pain, the feeling it made her seethe, basque in the feeling, the pain awaking her senses. Like chocolate on her tongue the taste of it made everything tingle, the taste of her body bleeding, she felt it creeping beneath her in between her wet thighs the ecstasy that made that sweet taste even better. She moved her hips back and forth stratteling the dagger, clutching it as tightly as she could. The hilt of it going deeper and deeper still inside of her. She felt it coming, the shadows crept closer the darkness swallowed the room. She turned the dagger around and slowly began to push it deeper, and deeper. The curved blade jutting, cutting inside of her making it’s own path, blood poured from between her legs. It would soon be here for her, to take her. She screamed as she came, the dagger taking a final forced push inside her as her body fell the rest of the way to the floor. The dagger lay by her side, she wept as she saw the shadows form, the image of her always made her want to cry, the beauty of her always astounded her. I guess that was one of it’s so called powers. She knew not, knew barely a thing about the creature that visited her in the night, all but the fact that she was always left craving her, needing her like her next breath. It had been what, two months since her last fix of this new drug, and she couldn’t take it anymore. She needed her, wanted her. As she lie there the blood began to circle her in a great pool of crimson, the warmth of it was oddly like a blanket. The dagger had done it’s job very well, taking the pain away, at least in one part of her body, the rest lie in her heart, that would never leave, no time would heal her wounds. Over the last couple of years she had become fixated on nothing but the woman in the shadows, somewhat of a junkie, but there was no cure or rehab for what she had. She felt the world swirling around her the warmth of the blood surrounding her. The appearance of that daughter of the night, the siren that had drew her in one glance, was her last glimpse into this world, the world she had grown to know as the only one, the only real world. Darkness had kissed her, made love to her and yet still somewhere in her doubting mind she thought of it as nothing but a figment of a dream, or in some demented mind, as she sometimes was told she had her mother spouting angry slurrs all the while scrapping her with the crack of a belt badly worn by numerous untold of so called punishments. With the last rasping breath from her all she could think of was that her life, everything that she had gone through, nothing mattered anymore, nothing, for she was now forever and always the lover of the darkness. The shit was everywhere, the sticky substance that clunged to her boots, it was hard to take a step led alone not to fuck up the damn crime scene. She took a long deep sigh as she was given the go ahead to come in by the detectives. They had woken her up from the a nicely earned drunken sleep, she had downed a fifth of jack that night and really she couldn’t remember even how she had gotten her clothes off led alone had gotten into her bed. Nor the chick that had left her bedside after she had gotten the call to come in to work. She was pretty good looking she thought, at least I’ve still got taste when I’m fucked up. Pity though she didn’t even know her name, she had something about her though, she couldn’t put words to it other then an attraction that was almost like metal to a magnet. Anyway, she was here now, and that seemed so far away, but that face, her face remained in her mind, a ghost haunting her with each blink of her eye she saw her face. She walked over to the lead detective, Burk was his name or as she liked to so cosily call him Burk the Jerk. She smirked as she carefully stepped over to him, as he took notes in his little black leather bound notebook he glanced up and gave an annoyed look. “What’s up, Burk?” She started as she took her camera from around her neck meaning to take a picture of the stoic Burk, even before she could get off the shutter, he flipped his notebook shut and he gave her a look that could kill you from a thousand yards away, the camera dropped from her hands and she gave a sigh. Damn, you never let a girl have any fun Burk. Catherine, you know if it were up to me you wouldn’t be working that damn camera in my station, or in my crime scenes led alone my city.” “Damn I didn’t think you were a critic Burk, you seem to have no problems with my work when you need it for your cases, but you cops are all the same you think were just pricks who like to take pic’s, but you know what you can go fuck yourself, your ass called me so if you want me to work let me work if you don’t then im going home and going back to bed. He gave her a look and half smiled, shrugged and passed her a folded up piece paper. “Here these are the shots I need, this one is a little different, it fit’s the same M.O. of a couple of other cases around the area, with think this might be becoming something to be concerned about.” Kat shot him a look “ok, yeah so fuck one murder, but when it becomes a series of murders all you fuckers are like a kid here the ice cream truck coming down the road, waiting mouths salivating, damn ridiculous if you ask me burk, but I’ll take your pics, because I know there is no one else in this whole city that will do it, and frankly rent’s coming due. So if you would kindly get the fuck out so I can get down to business.” WIth that shot her a glance that sent shivers running down her, and slammed the paper container containing coffee on the kitchen counter, “fine, best be sure your on thin fucking ice Kat, so don’t fuck this up.” he walked out the door the other officers fallowing his lead. “Asshole” Kat said as she glared at the shut door, she took her camera and headed towards the bedroom. Empty glasses, bottles of whiskey all but drained strewn across the counters and coffee table. Cardboard boxes still full with nick-naks, books. Definitely not much of a neat freak, Kat thought, the overflowing ash treys and burn marks on the tables suggested to Katherine De’ Ann Malory that this chick was all sorts of preoccupied with something. She moved slowly and carefully around the boxes trying her best not to disturb anything, as if anyone would really notice in this mess anyways, but still she was here to document and analyze what was left. She pushed aside the dark black curtin that was half heatedly nailed to the corners of the door frame to make a crude door. The material was sticky- wet with humidity and smelled of the dank musky odor that filled the apartment. It was the usual smell of a dead body that Kat only new to well, it was something else. She slipped onto the hard wood floors, the bed room almost completely darkened she tried the light swith to the right of her. Nothing, she looked up towards where the light should be, no bulb, weird she thought, but maybe she just didn’t change it yet. The windows were blacked out with what looked like spray paint, etched into all of the windows wooden frames were what looked like strange clyphs, or shapes. She took her camera down and readied it posing them towards the windows and like a strobe she began to shoot of pictures, brillant flashes revealing what lied in the darkness. What the, she sputtered as she saw something or at least she thought it was something, some kind of shadow move across the room and disappear in the mirror which hung on the wall above a dresser. She shook it off , okay, letting this shit get to you girl, fuck, she moved towards the bed the sheets stained with red, the blood congealed on the hard wood floors looked oddly darker, almost like syrup, but hey this ain’t no aunt Jemmimi’s or maple variety, no, no folks this here is of the more bitter taste. She let the camera’s flash light her way through the room, carefully as she could she finally came to the body, it was sprawled the legs spread the head tilted downwards towards the clutching object that was the means to this nasty mess she thought, the dagger was grasped ever so tightly in the woman’s hands, her eyes rolled up in to her head, although she had a feeling that if death didn’t have that side effect, that rolling of the eyes into a forever whitening light that the woman would still be looking at the dagger as lovingly and as desperately as she held it. The woman was naked all except for the ink that covered her. She had written, no drawn, images all over her flesh. The ink lay dark against her white skin. There were no cuts, no bruises or abrasions of any that Kat could see, the only point where the blood could exit from was…her, oh shit, she lifted the womans leg, she fell back at the sight she was completely gutted from the look it, the woman had fucked her self with the dagger, what the fuck. She crawled backwards, this shit is un fucking real. Her fingers stuck and slushed between her fingertips, yep like syrup she thought, as she slipped and scrambled to her feet. She stood up ran to the corner of the room, meanwhile whiping her bloodstained hands on her pants, and vomited in the corner the sight the stench of blood and whiskey, was just too fucking much. She took the flask from her pocket and drank heavely whiping away reminants of spit and vomit with her shirt sleeve. She took out a ciggerette and flicked her lighter the light spilling shadows across the room. Kat stood against the corner of the room as she inhaled deeply, letting the smoke fill her lungs. The room was spinning all around her she closed her eyes tight and reopened them again in hopes of resetting her self against the oncoming fainting, she couldn’t though, everthing moved around her faster and faster. Her eyes began to roll, the whites glistening in her sockets and fell to the ground with a thud. She had never passed out before, not even at the most gruesome of crime scenes. Yet she found herself swimming, drowning in the darkness, it swallowed her, and all was dark.Stay tuned tommorow for the next episode!

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Is it just me or has digital almost taken control our lives. Lets just say for example, the power went out in my house today. So I picked up the trusty, hefty, old phone book to call the electric company, which we all know I would be on hold for god knows how long. I picked up he reciever and to my actual surprise I couldn’t make the call. The phone was digital, had a digital station and therefore no power, no phone, sorry pal. Now, don’t get me wrong I love my electronics and I would be lost without them, but there in lies the problem. We as a society have become so dependant on gadgets and the simplicity that are to accompany them, but what do you think would exactly happen if everything just stop working. I mean it happened a couple of days ago to hundreds of people with any kind of zune of their 30gb model. So people, what happens when our cellphones, our computers, our gps,oh and not to mention our government which is conveniently wired for sound when it comes to everything digital and cutting edge. How cutting edge can we afford to be? Do we need to have a sort of Food and Drug Administration for electonics, a seperate group to test and regulate all these electronics that companies are claiming to be your savior, “hey you can call someone, listen to music, watch a movie, and take pictures,” yeah but at a whopping five hundred to a grand how long will it last. Not to mention is it really not just a rip off. You know what people, my zune was one of those lovely pieces of work to freeze the hell up, and I tried all their lovely fixes, and guess what it may have worked for some lucky people, but this girl after about ten hours of trying to fix the damn thing I had about had it. My face